Concert Etiquette Rant

"sonicgabe" (gabeloewenberg)
10/13/2016 at 15:36 • Filed to: Against Me!, Concert etiquette

Last night, Lady SonicGabe and I went to see Dave Hause, Against Me!, and Bad Religion. We arrived early to get a spot up front. I’ve seen them countless times over the span of their existence, from house shows to tiny clubs to large venues. I will almost always go stand up front. There are risks and annoyances to doing so, but it is a punk show. But last night, I lost my shit.

During opener Dave Hause’s set, this woman in her later 30s was standing behind and to the right of us. We were one person back from the barrier. She talked louder than the music for his entire set. Her voice cut through everything. She was on what seemed to be a date, probably their first or second one, as she was telling the guy all sorts of things that people who know each other would already know.

And when I say she talked, I mean she talked. She started about 15 or 20 minutes before Mr. Hause and rattled on through his entire 30 minute set. We could hear every word she said. Her date said six word. Lady SonicGabe counted. She literally talked non-stop for about 50 minutes. But whatever. It’s the opener. People are still coming, finding their friends. Other people are talking. Except she was talking so loud. I figured she’d probably stop when Against Me! came on.

I was right, but after what happened, I would have preferred the talking.

As Against Me! started, there was the anticipated crowd push forward. Lady SonicGabe ended up at the barrier, I was standing directly behind her. Miss Talks-A lot, let’s call her “Carol”, because that’s her name, grabs and eight inch piece of the barrier next to Lady SonicGabe. She proceeds to wedge herself up against my wife, trying to force herself in to a space that doesn’t exist between two people. Carol is standing behind Lady SonicGabe on the right, but is grabbing the barrier in front of her. She is pushing my wife in to the barrier. She would occasionally let up a little, but remaind in full body contact with my wife. After a few songs, I tapped Carol on the shoulder and asked her very politely to please step back one inch as she is hurting my wife. I begged her to just put one inch between them.

She said no. She proceeds to tell me that she is not moving and not letting go of the barrier. She doesn’t want to lose her place up front. She doesn’t want to get pushed away by the pit.

I pointed out to her that I had a good 12 inches of space between me and everyone around me and that THERE WAS NO PIT! Well, there was a small pit of only five people about 15 feet behind us. But everyone else was standing with plenty of space between themselves and the next person.

Carol wouldn’t let up and kept forcing herself in to my wife. So Lady SonicGabe said fuck it and left the front as she felt like she was going to pass out from the pressure being applied to her.

As Carol took her place on the barrier I leaned over and yelled something like “Thanks for ruining the show. All you had to do was move back one inch, but you couldn’t do that. You couldn’t do one nice thing!” I gave her the double birds right in her face, screamed “FUCK YOU!” and ran after my wife.

Upon getting home, using all of the personal information I heard Carol say very loudly at the show, I found her on Instagram and Facebook (which is how I know her name). This took all of 10 seconds to do. We have 19 friends in common on Facebook. These are people who I have known for a very long time. It is inevitable that one day someone will introduce us at a bar or concert or something. And when that happens, I will just says “Oh, you’re the asshole from the Against Me! show” and I’ll walk away.

This morning, the entire right side of Lady SonicGabe’a body, especially her hip, knee and ankle are in pain because of Carol pushing on her. It would be different if everyone was caught up in the crowd, if everyone was moving together, having a good time. The last Against Me! show we went to was a sea of people moving as one. This wasn’t the case. Everyone was standing, or bouncing in place; but no one was pushing, shoving, climbing, or jumping. Everyone had their own space. Carol violated my wife’a space.

Thanks, Carol.

And let me add that my anger was not alcohol-induced. I didn’t have a single drink before, during, or after the show.

DISCUSSION (18)

Spaceball-Two > sonicgabe
10/13/2016 at 15:41

Man that sucks. Sorry to hear that. I’ve seen AM! probably 7 times. I used to get up front for the shows but as I’ve gotten older I like to find a spot in the middle where the sound get better.

Tripper > sonicgabe
10/13/2016 at 15:42

Kinja'd!!!

sonicgabe > Tripper
10/13/2016 at 15:47

Sadly, that didn’t work.

Tripper > sonicgabe
10/13/2016 at 15:51

Years ago at a rage against the machine show, some dickhead was acting a similar way, so I grabbed him by the feet and dumped him over the gate and let the security guys escort him to the back. He kept coming back, eventually some huge dude actually threw him over the barrier and they were both booted. Concerts...

DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time > sonicgabe
10/13/2016 at 15:51

You should’ve fought her. You would’ve been dismantling the patriarchy by not showing benevolent sexism.

Although in seriousness I don’t think a gentle push would be uncalled for. If she escalates it from there that’s on her. Not blaming you, she’s still the problem.

Rico > sonicgabe
10/13/2016 at 15:58

If there was no security nearby to tell them to handle the situation I probably would’ve pulled Carol off my wife. Not in an aggressive “I’m going to hurt you way” but more like “Get off of my wife/kid” kind of way. The fact that you asked nicely and she refused is insane especially if the pain was enough for your wife to want to move away completely.

Also what are the odds you would have mutual friends! That’s weird!

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > sonicgabe
10/13/2016 at 15:59

My wife has gone to way more shows than me, and she is vicious if you try and get in her space. I on the other hand am tall/big enough to weather the storm, as long as it’s not mosh levels. I like to get to the barrier and then grab onto it with both hands and let my wife be in the middle between me and the barrier. You could try and move me, but it’s not going to happen.

sonicgabe > sonicgabe
10/13/2016 at 16:10

To address a bunch of comments at once. I’m not going to get physical with someone, I’m too old for that shit. Between the time of asking nicely to when the wife needed to get out of there was rather quick. No time to get security or even asked a bit sternly.

It is what it is. Maybe Carol woke up today and thought about the situation and realized the error of her behavior. But probably not. She commented this morning on one of her pictures from last night “this is where I parked it all night”.

We’ll be up front again when they come back. Hopefully, Carol won’t be there.

Sam > sonicgabe
10/13/2016 at 16:27

But if she wasn’t in front, the band wouldn’t be able to continue not knowing that she exists!

Sam > sonicgabe
10/13/2016 at 16:30

I used to go to a lot of EDM shows (Excision, Flux Pavilion, Datsik, deadmau5, etc) and I didn’t mind when women go to in my personal space, to be honest.

Mostly because they would be grinding on me, a complete strangers. It was a combination of enjoyable and incredibly awkward.

Decay buys too many beaters > sonicgabe
10/13/2016 at 16:33

Decay is confused. Talking at a concert? All the shows I’ve been to require cupping hands and yelling directly into each others ears to have a semi broken conversation.

But yeah, that behavior is totally unacceptable, and I’d have used a minimal amount of force to rectify the situation. It is the language entitled self absorbed people understand best.

sonicgabe > Decay buys too many beaters
10/13/2016 at 16:39

I don’t get why people go to shows and talk the whole time? Save yourself the money and stay home.

DynamicWeight > sonicgabe
10/13/2016 at 16:41

Don’t argue with a rude person. Keep it short: “SHUT UP!” “MOVE!” “GET OFF ME”. And look them right in the eye as you shout your one and two word commands. It works... better. Otherwise push back. Harder.

Other than that, concert can suck. There is usually a really nice area 1/4 of the way to the front where everyone is moving nicely together with pushing on each other but not being rude about it, and then a really nice area 3/4 of the way back where you can dance close to people but no one will touch you, and it’s not so far back that you’re out of the crowd. 1/2 way up is for standing motionlessly and pretending you don’t like music. All the way back is for talking to friends. All the way forward is for fighting.

Decay buys too many beaters > sonicgabe
10/13/2016 at 16:47

Because being home doesn’t make for good selfies on social media profiles >:(

Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever > sonicgabe
10/13/2016 at 17:01

Star for Against Me!, I absolutely love their work as well as Laura Jane’s solo stuff.

Had a similar incident years ago at a Hot Water Music/Strike Anywhere show in Richmond at Twisters. A group of kids climbing the PA stacks that flanked the stage and jumping into the crowd. Unfortunately, I was at the front, with my friend, who kept getting kicked in the head when kids would launch themselves. Being much younger, less wise, and more temperamental, I proceeded to grab the offending foot of the next jumper midair, which pivoted him face first into the crowd, who all simultaneously parted like the Red Sea for Moses, presenting our crowd surfing antagonist with a cold concrete floor for a landing pad. Fortunately, that ended their crowd surfing endeavors for the evening, and we enjoyed the remainder of the show.

Which also reminds me of the last Avail show. Richmond show (Avail’s hometown), so it was absolutely packed to the brim. Kids climbing off the second floor balcony onto the sprinkler system overhead, a la jungle gym, and dropping into the crowd. Anyhow, the entire floor was a pit, I unintentionally moved 30 feet across the floor during the first song, you just ended up where the crowd pushed. The thing that I really loved, though, was that the crowd was aware of others while still being physical and having fun. If someone fell down (alot of people did, myself included), everyone within arms reach pulled them back up and kept the rest of the crowd from crushing in. People I didn’t know hugging me after songs, sharing pitchers of beer/water/etc. It was just a great environment, and one of my best memories from a long history of watching obscure, angry punk rock bands.

sonicgabe > Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever
10/13/2016 at 17:09

Several years ago, I had the pleasure of photographing a Fucked Up show. It was chaos, but in an awesome way, which is how it’s supposed to be.

Kinja'd!!!

smobgirl > Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever
10/13/2016 at 19:17

I may have been at that Avail show. Depends on which “last show” it was.

Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever > smobgirl
10/13/2016 at 19:24

Fall 2007(ish?) at Alley Katz. Pink Razors, Smoke or Fire and Avail. I miss the 90s/early 00s RVa music scene. Ann Beretta, Inquisition, Action Patrol, and all the No Idea bands that would come up from Gainesville, Pee Tanks (MD, but still great).